Prayers to all my friends struggling with finals. I know how difficult it can be.
Prayer to my sister who gives.. gives.. gives.. and never receives. Shes having difficulty with Sam, long distance can do that do you. She continually gives to her husband but never receives a small act of love like flowers or birthday gifts. Not that its all about that but when hes doing things like that for another girl besides his wife…. it seems a little.. whatever. Believe me I understand the pains of long distance but shes at home stretch a month or so before hes back for good. She has yet to experience God’s love. That’s the problem with my family, they’re irrational, uncompassionate, and naive.
I love them, I do. But my brother acts like an adolescent teenager with his fiancee. Indulging in the monetary fleeting aspects of life and referring to her in derogatory terms behind her back. My sister is easily angered and tends to lash out and she gives more and doesn’t know how to take. My mother lives in a web of lies and deception that I can’t even begin or want to understand. My dad… has no existing relationship (enough said).
All these 1st degree relatives I have, don’t know Your love. How are they supposed to love their spouses when they haven’t experienced true forgiveness, patience, abundant, and compassionate love? I’m not saying I’m perfect. I have issues every single day with those aspects. But I can’t imagine not knowing that type of love from You. When i’m being irrational I try to revert back to You. I’ve been trying to sway them, but I’m just the baby, the munchkin, the little one.
Honestly I’m not going to lie God, and if I did you’d know it.. haha… irony. But I’m scared, relationship issues are soo terrifying, divorces… are ugly and retched. Heartbreaking and life threatening. The fear stems from alllll of the relationships directly affecting me. My poor sister, who gives so much doesn’t deserve this kinda crap. Bless her God, let her rest please, she just needs some comfort. Shes been so strong for me when I was a kid, for my dad and mom during the divorce and continually afterwards. Please if anything, don’t let her go down this path with Sam. I know its minor and i’m already freaking out. I have issues I know but please help her. Help me understand and realize the weight that comes with relationships. I’m young but I just don’t want to be afraid. I don’t know if i’m over reacting, but their divorce had a huge impact on me and I’m only starting to realize it.
You can love.. more in a moment, than I or any other lover could in our whole lifetime.
Almost done with finals:
Just let me worship.